When I am afraid to say NO, I am afraid of hurting the other, of disappointing the other.
But what really lies underneath this?
Fear of the other not liking me anymore, fear of not being likeable? Fear of loosing a friend or being left out?
What if the other does not realise he or she is hurting me? What if the other keeps doing things where I wish I could say NO to?
Essentially, by not saying NO, I stay a victim.
Essentially, I keep hurting myself.
Essentially, I bully myself.
So my question is:
What resource do I need to be able to say NO?
I asked this myself this morning and what I got was:
I need a BIG YES to myself… hmmm
A big YES, that I matter, that what I feel matters.
But I also hear a voice saying: “It’s not all about me me me”.
No it isn’t, but it’s only until I sense and behave as if I mattered, that I understand, that in the end it isn’t all about me. Because the irony is, that only when I matter, will I truly feel that “you” matter, that “we” matter, that this life matters… So it’s only if I step into my path that matters to me, that I am able to serve life and that I can do something close to my heart and that feels good. So its two upsides. Good for myself and good for the rest of the world :-)
So lets dare to “go out hunting”, to find what our purpose is in this life and to play our role - not big, not small, but ours - and no one else’s - then we may realise that we do play into the bigger picture. So in order to be able to full heartedly care about the world we live in, we do have to start to full heartedly care about ourselves, be careful with ourselves and understand that we in fact do matter.
If “I” matter, “You” matter and “We” matter.
When I am in a state of: “This does not matter”, I am usually also in a state of “I don’t matter”, which mirrors out into the world as “you” don’t matter, “we” don’t matter.
And maybe we don’t - who knows? But it sure does make a difference of how I feel and how I interact with life. Whether that’s with myself or with others, with friends and family, with what I imagine to be true and the whole mystery of it all!
I find, the more I connect with the life running through my veins, the more I discover what really matters to me. It’s a practice and not one of those things that work with one push of a button.
I think it’s important that we allow time for these things. We get more and more used to expressing emotions and/or our thoughts through one button press - I like, I don’t like, lets find a face on emoji that expresses what I want to say or feel. Soon you have your 20 favourite expressions and soon that becomes your whole repertoire and all of communication.
This morning I decided to call my half-sister Isabelle who I have not spoken to for ages. Seven years to be exact. It was wonderful and we almost chatted for an hour.
Have a great day everyone and maybe some joy with exploring what dearly matters to you. You would do us all a favour :-) If you are a people pleaser, be a even bigger one, by starting to care about yourself and giving yourself a big YES!
Love and respect,